


From The Counseling Chair

by Minuete



Series: Perspectives [1]
Category: The X-Files
Genre: Abduction Arc, Angst, Early MSR, F/M, Karen Kosseff POV, pre-episode s02ep07: 3, s02ep13: Irresistible
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-13
Updated: 2019-05-19
Packaged: 2020-03-02 13:49:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 6,400
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18812185
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Minuete/pseuds/Minuete
Summary: A look at the MSR from Karen Kosseff’s POV.





	1. A Mandated Assessment

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ascherer](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ascherer/gifts).



> This story is dedicated to @ascherer who came up with the idea of a new series as written from minor characters’ POV. I’m calling the new series Perspectives.

I’m currently having a silent staring contest against a sullen agent, with fierce-looking hazel eyes set against gaunt features.  He is an unwilling participant in this half-hour appointed session.  I had warned A.D. Skinner what would happen if an agent was mandated a counseling session, but he was adamant on his stance with one of his particular agents: Special Agent Fox Mulder.   I’ve heard tales of Agent Mulder at the water cooler years ago when he was working as a profiler.  Admittedly, the tales were mostly grumblings layered with awe from his fellow comrades who couldn’t keep up with his insight.  My mind drifts to the phone conversation with A.D. Skinner a couple  of days ago.

“Agent Kosseff,” A.D. Skinner said, “I am requesting for your professional unbiased assessment of Agent Mulder’s mental state to see if he has the capacity to handle a case on his own in California.  You know that field agents usually have a partner, but due to special circumstances the X-Files division has an open position that has yet to be filled.”

“With all due respect, Sir, if you suspect he is incapable of handling a case on his own, then assign him a temporary partner.  I don’t see the value of counseling an unwilling agent.”

“You’re assessing, Agent Kosseff, not counseling.  Agent Mulder recently passed the written psychological evaluation with flying colors despite the circumstances he has been placed under.”

“Are you suspecting that he somehow cheated?”  There was silence on the other end of the line.

“When can I send him to you?”


	2. Agent Mulder’s Session

“Whenever you’re ready to answer my first question, Fox. I’m all ears,” I say as I rest my hands atop the legal pad on my lap.  I maintain my impassive expression, knowing his profiler mind is studying me.   The fierce look in his eyes has dulled somewhat, however ,he is still on guard.  He purses his lips then looks away.

“I prefer to be addressed as Agent Mulder.  I shouldn’t even be here.  I’m supposed to be halfway across the country to help capture a vigilante group that finally decided to make an appearance in California,” he says flatly.

“I understand, Agent Mulder. Your willingness to answer some questions for me will help speed up the process,” I reply trying my best to convey sympathy to his annoyance.  He sits back in the chair and stares at me again.

“How am I feeling?” he restates the question, “I started to unravel a government conspiracy and manage to lose the one other person in this whole damn organization who gives a crap about the X-Files in the process.  I’m doing swell.  Just dandy.”

I pick up my pen and jot down “caustic” on the legal pad. I look up and see a slight smirk though there is no humor in his eyes.

“Are you going to dock off points for my sarcasm, Agent Kosseff?” he drawls.

“How is your sleep schedule?” I ask, ignoring his question and earning a scoff in the process. 

“I suffer from insomnia for as long as I can remember.  This ‘trait’ seemed beneficial during my stint at the BSU and VCS.”  I jot down “irregular sleep pattern”.  I can see the dark circles under his eyes, and there behind the intense gaze was a sliver of a haunted look.  Before I can continue with a follow-up question, Agent Mulder beats me to it as he raises up his left hand to halt whatever I plan to say.

“Yes, I know all the tips and tricks to create an environment to induce sleep.  It just makes it all the more frustrating when I continue to lay wide awake on my couch or on a bed.  My mind is constantly on overdrive thinking of everything and nothing.  Is the next question you’re going to ask concerning my diet?”

I bite my tongue annoyed at how this session is going but reluctantly answer yes.  He gives another humorless smile as he reaches inside his jacket pocket fishing out a bag of sunflower seeds?  I look at him in amazement, then quickly add to the legal pad “improper diet”. 

“It’s the breakfast of profiler champions, Agent Kosseff: sunflower seeds and burnt coffee.”

“Agent Mulder, so far everything you’ve said to me leads me to believe that you are at the brink of a mental nervous breakdown if you continue to stay the course of lack of sleep and an improper diet.  What you’re doing to yourself is madness!” He glares at me as if he were some caged, wounded animal. 

“I know that.  You don’t think I know that?!” He’s seething at this point as he grits his teeth while grasping the bag of sunflower seeds in his right hand tightly, then murmurs, “But I can’t rest, not with the promise I made to myself and Mrs. Scully.”

I try to connect the dots mentally, but he helps me fill in the gaps. “It’s Agent Dana Scully’s mother.”  _Agent Dana Scully. That’s right, the one that was abducted from her home. Currently listed as MIA._ He can see the recognition registering upon my face as I understood what A.D. Skinner meant with “special circumstances”.

“What happened to her, Agent Mulder?” I ask quietly. He lets out a painful sounding laugh; one that is half-guttural, half-choking as he looks away again.

“They took her away.  She’s gone due to my quest to find my sister.”

“A casualty?” My choice in vocabulary a trigger as he snaps his fiery gaze back at me again and responds with the same intensity.

“That’s why I won’t rest until I find her.  I can’t risk missing a clue of her whereabouts. You say that I’m at the brink of a nervous breakdown, but I’m here to tell you that I’m not.  My mind is starving at this point for new information on Agent Scully’s possible whereabouts.  I’m utilizing all avenues that’s within FBI jurisdiction to locate her.”

“You have too much at stake to lose if I deem you unfit to perform your job duties,” I conclude.  He shifts in his seat as he rubs his chin with his left hand still glaring at me.  I see the distrust in his eyes.  I sigh.

“I’m not your enemy, Agent Mulder.  I have nothing to gain or lose based upon the assessment I have to draft for your boss. I told you that you’re at the brink of a mental nervous breakdown, your rational mind may already be compromised.” 

“It’s not. Having spent a year with Agent Scully and seeing how she exercises her rational methodology… it has influenced my way of thinking.  Even though she’s not currently here, I picture her giving me one of her patented looks whenever my mind wanders off to what she deems as Lala land.”  His entire demeanor softens as he shares this tidbit of his inner psyche to me, a small smile on his lips. “I ask myself ‘What would Scully think?’ when I read over potential X-file cases.  I’ve been following this vigilante group for over the past year, well before our partnership started.  It’s something I have to follow through while she’s away.  I wouldn’t want her to think I had been idle squandering my time away in the basement doing nothing.”

“The mention of Agent Scully evokes strong emotions from you,” I say to him.  He looks at me in surprise then chews on his bottom lip as if trying to decide how to respond.

“Of course.  She’s my friend and made one hell of a partner.”

“The kind of partner that would send you to the brink of a mental nervous breakdown?”

“No, the tenacity and focus walking that fine line is all me,” he says seriously, “If anything Agent Scully keeps me sane.  Look, as much as I find this assessment to be less than stellar on my part, I mean what I said that I’m using FBI resources to search for Agent Scully and that I won’t rest until I find her. I fully intend to find her and bring her back safe and sound, Agent Kosseff.”  He rises from the chair, much to my surprise since it’s only been twenty minutes into our appointed time as I follow suit.  “When will you turn in your assessment to A.D. Skinner?”

“By end of the day today, Agent Mulder,” I answer as I walk him to the door.  The dim morning light streaming through the closed blinds cast a shadow on his profile, causing his grim determination to look more stark and desperate.  He nods and mumbles a goodbye as I close the door behind him.  I let out a breath I didn’t realize I was holding in. 

My unbiased opinion leans toward Agent Mulder taking a mandatory leave of absence, but I can see the risk to that.  Leaving Agent Mulder to his own devices could send him on a course of self destruction.  Having him remain on the job gives him the routine necessary to navigate this rather difficult moment in his career.  Another thing I found particularly odd was his intense devotion to Agent Dana Scully. They were only partners for less than a year unless— my eyes widen at my realization. Did he even know how he feels towards her? 


	3. In Passing

Whispers and murmurs started up in the  hallways  days later .   I  spot  a disheveled Fox Mulder in passing while on my coffee break— more haggard, more haunted— as he makes his way to A.D. Skinner’s office.  The vigilante group he was tracking burned to death.  There is talk stating that Agent Mulder started the fire.  Another saying that he impeded LAPD’s progress on the case.  What was he thinking?  I shake my head in disbelief.  I wrote an assessment in his favor, against my better judgment apparently.  As I am heading back to my office, I hear some commotion and see Agent Mulder storm out of A.D. Skinner’s office heading to the nearest exit door.  The associate director stands by his office door, hammer fisting the door frame out of frustration as he stares in the direction Agent Mulder left.  He peers over his shoulder and spots me.  

“Agent  Kosseff , a word with you please,” A.D. Skinner said as he heads inside his office.  I inwardly groan.  He’s going to blame me for my misleading assessment.  He motions me to take a seat and waits for me to settle.  The look he shoots me is grim. 

“ I’m sorry if my assessment of Agent Mulder is inaccurate,” I decide to speak my mind first before being reprimanded, “During our session, Agent Mulder appeared lucid and  answered my questions thoroughly.”

“It was ultimately my decision to let him fly out to LA.  What you just saw a moment ago was Mulder’s anger that I’m withdrawing all resources on locating Agent Scully.”  He let out a long and tired sigh. “My hands are tied of this matter due to budget constraints.”  He takes off his glasses and quickly rubs his eyes with his free hand.  “My question to you is: How long will it be until Agent Mulder becomes unhinged?”

I stare at him dumbfounded .  “You can’t seriously be asking me this, Sir?  I would think with your military background; you could spot a comrade becoming unhinged.”  A.D. Skinner winces at my remark.  I look down at my hands that have been clasped tightly on my lap. 

“Sorry, Walter.  That was a low blow,” I say quietly.  He shakes his head.   

“None taken, Karen.”  An awkward silence falls upon us.  Awkward in the sense that I am one of Sharon Skinner’s good friends before I decided to join the FBI as a counselor.  I was even one of her bridesmaids.  I know that she and Walter have issues in their marriage that they are trying to work through, one of which has to deal with Walter’s time in Vietnam.  It is very rare for us to call each other so familiarly within the Hoover building walls, but his question just threw me for a loop.  I clear my throat and focus on the issue again.

“It depends, Sir.  Does he perceive himself to have hit rock bottom?”


	4. Agent Mulder's Absence

I don’t see Agent Mulder since his storming out of A.D. Skinner’s office.  I imagine him brooding somewhere in the basement. I catch A.D. Skinner in the copy room when I needed more office supplies looking tired and worried.  

“Hey, what’s wrong?” I ask quietly, expecting for him to brush me off with a shake of his head.  He focuses his attention on the pile of copied paper shooting out from the printer machine clenching and unclenching his fists. 

“Agent Scully’s admitted to the Northeast Georgetown Medical Hospital,” A.D. Skinner answered tightly, “I’m printing out medical leave request forms.  Her mother will have to sign on her behalf.” 

I give him a wide-eyed stare. He seems to know my train of thought as he continues, “Agent Mulder is already with her.  He’s become more erratic, frayed.” 

“He’s very close to breaking point, Walter,” I say in a low tone, “Don’t you be the one to push him over the edge.” 

“It won’t be me, Karen.  Her passing will break him.”  We both hear footsteps of other agents entering the copy room and resume our tasks.  He fishes out the medical leave request forms from the pile while I gather the office supplies I need from the shelves.  

“Hope your day will be better than mine, Agent Kosseff,” A.D. Skinner said as he leaves. 

“I don’t doubt it,” I reply with a sympathetic look.  

 

* * *

* * *

 

There had been another Fox Mulder incident in A.D. Skinner’s office while I was leading a group-guided meditation session in the afternoon.  It’s amazing how news travels fast within the halls.  I catch the gist of it in the break room: how he had tried to resign from the FBI, but A.D. Skinner stopped him.  Some agents jokingly comment on how Spooky Mulder will forever haunt the halls and the basement.  I stay silent throughout their exchange as I sip my coffee.   The room suddenly goes quiet when A.D. Skinner stalks in.  Glaring at all of us with pursed lips, he turns his attention to the coffee carafe and pours himself a cup.  He turns around and gives a curt, tense greeting.  Somehow his action causes the group of agents to shuffle out of the break room mumbling how their break is over or an upcoming meeting they had to attend.  I linger watching the agents shuffle away, leaving just the two of us in the room.   

A.D. Skinner doesn’t look at me when he quietly says, “He blamed himself for Agent Scully’s condition while he was in my office, and I agreed with him.”  I closed my eyes and sighed deeply.  I can hear the regret in his voice. 

“What now?”  

“Now, we wait.” 


	5. Agent Mulder’s Return

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My headcanon stories are finally starting to bleed into each other. This chapter is set pre-“Undeserving” from His and Her Angst Series.

We received good news just before the holiday break via email from HR that Agent Scully has woke up from her coma and is recovering at home.   A “Get Well” card was placed in the break room for anyone who wished to sign.   I did so out of respect and politeness.  It was over six weeks ago, and during that time I saw glimpses of Agent Mulder striding in the hallways.  His appearance and demeanor improved each time I saw him walk past my open office door or at the copy room when he was grabbing a box of Number 2 pencils.  His eyes flitted across my face, and he would offer a small smile whenever he noticed me.  He must still feel awkward from our session all those weeks ago as if he felt embarrassed for his behavior in my office. 

During this particular Friday, however, I find Agent Mulder in the copy room with a frenetic energy that he didn’t exude in my office.  I see him collecting more number 2 pencils, note pads, and paper clips.  I hear him mumbling to himself, wondering where the Lysol wipes are located. 

“Agent Mulder,” I greet, slightly amused by his antics, “How are you today?” 

He looks up genuinely surprised to see me in the copy room, then shoots me a sheepish smile, “I’m doing better, Agent Kosseff.” 

“I’m glad, though I’m hoping to hear that you’re sleeping well and your diet’s improved.”  He chuckles much to my surprise, then notices my curious expression towards the stash of office supplies in his hands. 

“I’m replenishing this for Agent Scully.  She’s returning to work on Monday.” I nod now understanding that he’s excited about her return. 

“She must really love using number 2 pencils.  This is the third box I’ve seen you grab.”  He stares at me in astonishment, as if I caught him stealing cookies in the cookie jar.  He relaxes his stance when he realizes I am teasing him. 

“I’m trying to find Lysol wipes to wipe down the office,” Agent Mulder says in a shy tone.  I walked past him and made a beeline to the last cabinet in the room to retrieve a small container of Lysol wipes.   He offers his thanks as I hand him the container.   An awkward pause settles between us until he breaks the silence and says, “I’m sorry of the way I acted during the assessment.” 

I shake my head.  “It’s understandable, Agent Mulder.  I’m just glad that everything worked out.”  

A dark expression falls on his features for a brief second.  He looks down at his stash of office supplies, swallowing a couple of times before he replies quietly, “Me too.”   

A lump starts to form in my throat seeing Agent Mulder’s vulnerability, sensing his guilt.  He mumbles a goodbye to me and leaves me wondering if he will ever forgive himself.  


	6. The Encounter

Murmurs and whispers occur in the hallways again.  This time awkward stares accompany the murmurings every time  the red-headed agent  is present.   How juvenile could a workplace become?  She doesn’t seem to mind nor care whatever gossip is said about her as she coolly handles the situation.  It isn’t until I happen to run into Agents Mulder and Scully in the break room that I catch her indignation.

“Damn stares,” she mutters as the two  of them  wait for the coffee to brew.  “It’s like they haven’t seen a fellow agent recover from the hospital before.”  Agent Mulder nudges her in the arm.

“Hey, don’t let them get to you,” he says.  She shakes her head.

“I can handle the stares.  What pisses me off more is hearing them talk smack about you,” she replies, looking up at hi m, her blue eyes blazing.  Agent Mulder’s expression softens as he gives her a small smile.  At  this moment,  their interaction is unguarded  as I watch him place a hand on her shoulder and squeezes it.  A blush forms on Agent Scully’s cheeks  as she  returns her attention to the coffee carafe.  Agent Mulder’s hand moves down to her upper back where he rubs a couple of circles before letting his hand fall back to his side.

“I’m a big boy, Scully. I’ve been handling the smack talk ever since my BSU years.”   He leans against the counter,  showing  me his profile as he looks at her.

“It’s different, Mulder.  This time it’s due to my account,” she says quietly  avoiding his gaze.  I watch as his Adam’s apple moves up and down a couple of times while his hands tightly grip the countertop.   He  turns his head away, and that’s when he notices that they have an audience: me.  He straightens up from the counter as Agent Scully turns around .

“Agent  Kosseff ,” he greets me nervously no doubt wondering how long I’ve stood here. 

“Agent Mulder,” I reply.  I turn my attention to his partner, who is giving me a cold stare and a small, polite smile. “And you must be Agent Scully.”

“She’s one of the counselors that roam the halls when she’s sick of being stuck in her fourth-floor window office,” Agent Mulder  fills her in,  shooting me a smirk.

“I’m in-between appointments at the moment.  I figured now would be an opportune time to fill up on coffee .”  Agent Scully’s demeanor softens as she looks at me with a  curious expression. 

“You should grab some first,” she offers as she steps aside.  I smile at her warmly and walk up to the counter to fill up on the freshly brewed coffee.   I then step aside to pour in some creamer and a packet of sugar .  

“ For what it’s worth, I hope you two know that not everyone believes the gossip,” I tell them as I head out of the break room feeling their eyes on me as I exit. 


	7. Agent Scully's Session

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An extended scene for "Irresistible".

I commend Agent Scully for her courage to tell me her innermost thoughts as she stares at me with tears brimming in her eyes.  She bites her bottom lip to keep it from trembling and lets out a sniff.  I promptly hand her a box of tissue beside me, which makes her smile sheepishly. 

“Sorry,” she apologizes as she dabs her eyes being careful not to mess her make up.  I shake my head. 

“There’s nothing to be sorry about.  Crying is good for the soul, Dana.  May I call you Dana?”  I ask tentatively remembering Agent Mulder’s request to not use his first name. 

“Yes, that’s fine.  I’m not like Mulder.” She manages to chuckle through her sniffles.  Her blue eyes are bright and clear as they continue to stare at me.  “I don’t know how he manages to not be rattled from cases like this.  How is he able to stay sane?” 

“It takes some mental grit to become a profiler, Dana.  But, focusing on your issue, it’s not a bad thing to rely on people you trust.  To lean on them for strength.”  She looks away from me and nods, though I can tell that she is uncomfortable with the idea.  “It takes a certain amount of courage to show vulnerability.” 

I wait patiently for Dana’s response as I watch her clench the wad of tissue in her hands resting on her lap and close her eyes for a couple of seconds.  She draws in and out measured breaths before she opens her eyes and explains, “Mulder carries the burden of my abduction and disappearance.  We’ve had this discussion during our time in quarantine last month.  I made it very clear that he’s not my keeper nor my guardian.  That I don’t need protection-- I don’t  _want_  protection.  I yelled at him for treating me with kid gloves; I’m not a fragile doll.  Since I’ve been back, all I want is for him to see me as his reliable, steadfast partner.   I’m trying to get back to how it was before...”  She trails off she tries to find the words to convey her next sentence, then says quietly, “I just don’t want to disappoint him.” 

A part of me wants to tell her how Agent Mulder behaved while she was gone, how he was near the brink of a mental nervous breakdown, his obsession in his search for her.  How her fear is unfounded because he would never view her as a disappointment.  However, divulging anything regarding Agent Mulder would go against my practice as a counselor: to respect clients’ privacy unless subpoenaed.   

“He mentioned to me that you made one hell of a partner,” I share this bit receiving a wide-eyed stare.  “I wouldn’t take his praise lightly.”  Dana smiles.  Our session ends with no follow-up appointment set up.   She steels herself before I open my office door for her to exit.  The cool persona she shows in public clearly a mask that hides the myriad and depth of emotions she views as a weakness.  I bid her farewell and hope that she finds her faith in her abilities soon. 


	8. Seeking News

One of these days, I will have to figure out who feeds the rumor mill.  There are conflicting stories spreading around regarding Agent Scully’s recent case with a deranged serial killer with a death fetish.  It makes me almost want to swallow back my words of being courageous and be vulnerable.  She _is brave_  for dealing with a monster.  I want to seek the real story behind the rumors, but I haven’t seen the two agents roam the halls and A.D. Skinner is attending a weeklong conference.  Frustrated, I gather my clipboard and materials for a group session starting in five minutes and rush out of my office only to run into Agent Mulder in the hallway.  My packets of paper fall to the floor as I take in his sudden appearance in the hallway. He looks worn out, the frenetic energy he displayed before Agent Scully’s return a distant memory.  A marked difference this time is that his hazel eyes don’t shine with intensity; his eyes displayed sadness? Hurt?  Agent Mulder stoops down to gather the papers as he apologizes for running into me.

“I was on my way to see A.D. Skinner,” he says to me as he hands me the group session materials.  

“He hasn’t been in his office for the past couple days.  His secretary says that he’s away for a week-long conference.”  I observe Agent Mulder’s deflated demeanor as his eyes roam towards A.D. Skinner’s office.

“Oh,” he says simply, “I guess I’ll fill him in when he gets back.”

“Does it regard Agent Scully?”  His eyes immediately shoot back to me, an instant jolt of anger flashed in them before he realizes I’m not a threat to spread office gossip.

“She needs a few days off, but I want to request from Skinner that it shouldn’t be docked from her personal and sick days she accumulated,” he explains.  He places his hands in his pant pockets and looks down at his shoes.  I see his jaw clench as he swallows.  “I should’ve never agreed to that murder case.”

“Hey, don’t say that. You and Agent Scully stopped from more murders occurring.  I’m sure Agent Scully would agree with me.”  He chuckles a humorless chuckle, one full of remorse if that’s possible. 

“I keep adding scars upon scars on Scully,” he mumbles sadly.

“The scars are tallies of her survival, Agent Mulder.  My suggestion is that you stand by  and help her heal from her scars in whatever capacity Dana allows you to cross.”  He looks up at me with a surprised expression on his face that I used her given name.  “Everything will be okay.”

I look down at my watch and see that I’m a minute late to the group session.  He waves me away.  Before I turn to rush to the conference room, I catch the thoughtful expression in his eyes. He no longer looks tired as he remains standing beside my office door.


	9. A Follow-Up Session

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A lengthy chapter that provides post-Irresistible hurt/comfort scenario recounted by Scully through Karen’s POV.

“I’m glad you decided to set up another appointment with me,” I say to Dana as I take in her appearance. It has been a week since I literally ran into Agent Mulder.  She has some dark circles under her eyes that she tried to cover up,  but overall her demeanor seems more relaxed than our last session. “How have you been?”

“I’m fi—“ she pauses, then continues, “I’m doing better.”  She fixes a determined gaze on me. “I feel like I had to follow up with you with what happened after our session.”

I wait patiently as she gathers her thoughts, fixating on a piece of lint she sees on her taupe-colored pant suit that her fingers peel away.  “I followed your advice, about being vulnerable.  Once Mulder found me at the abandoned home, I just broke down in front of him.”

“You had just cause for doing so, Dana.  I can’t imagine what you had to go through, and thank God Agent Mulder and the local police got to you in time!”  She blanches at my remark. “Sorry, I didn’t mean for you to relive the moment.”

She shakes her head. “No it’s okay.  It was a traumatic experience that needs to be acknowledged.  After I was attended to by the paramedics for scrapes and bruises, I told Mulder I wanted to check into a hotel.  Without saying a word, he checked us both into a Doubletree Inn, better than our usual accommodations.  I must have been in a state of shock because I don’t remember when or how my weekend bag materialized, but he suggested that I get ready for bed.”  Her skin flushes and she looks away embarrassed.

“I tugged on his trench coat as he was on his way out and asked if he could stay in my room while I got ready.  The way he looked at me…it was full of sympathy and regret and something else, something fierce.  Mulder nodded his assent and sat on my bed while I grabbed my bag and headed into the bathroom.  I hate to admit this, but I started to hyperventilate being _in_ the bathroom. He must have heard me because the next thing I knew was that I was gathered in his arms crying again.  Mulder cupped my face and told me in a measured tone what was going to happen: he was going to run to the store for a few minutes while I sit on the bed and watch TV.  Mulder asked me to repeat what he said and led me back into the hotel room, turned on the TV, and handed me the remote control. I don’t remember what I watched while he was gone; I don’t think I even changed the channel but he returned rather quickly from the store with baby wipes and dry shampoo.  I honestly wanted to smile at his thoughtful gesture but I could only manage to blankly state at him.” 

She starts to chuckle at her next statement, “I do recall Mulder blushing when he awkwardly said that he would wait in the bathroom while I get ready for bed in the room.”   

I smile as I imagine Agent Mulder gesturing towards the bathroom door and shyly handing her weekend bag once he was inside.  Dana shifts in her seat looking outside my office window with a blush forming on her cheeks.  She starts up again, “I asked if he could sit beside my bed until I fall asleep. I wanted him to tell me a story—any story—just to take my mind off of what had transpired.”  The last part came out in a strangled tone and she takes her time to recollect herself. 

“Did he stay?” Once a few minutes pass.

“He did,” she answers almost wistfully. “He even told me a stupid campfire story of the Jersey Devil.” Her expression darkens and she straightens herself in the seat. “I shouldn’t have requested him to do that.”

“Why is that?”

“Because in the end I’m left with this horrible memory that I have to work through by myself.  I can’t ask him to keep me company whenever this surfaces.  I figure that I would be fine once we returned to DC.  My apartment is my sanctuary, I should feel safe.” 

There was a “but” forming in her head, however Dana doesn’t continue freely.  I can see her struggling to keep her distress in check as she schools her facial features, but her blue eyes are stormy as she’s caught up in another memory.  Another post-traumatic memory.

“There is no right or wrong way to feel, Dana.” She worries her bottom lip.

“I didn’t allow Mulder to accompany me to my apartment.  I told him I was fine.  I was home. I just needed to decompress. But for the next couple of days I couldn’t bring myself to take a shower let alone a bath. I knew I needed to, I felt so disgusting and dirty.  I wanted to wash off the grime and scrub myself raw hoping to wipe away my ordeal.  Instead, I just sponge bathed myself in the kitchen with almost scalding hot water from the tea kettle.”

I try to keep my expression impassive, but I feel a frown forming, my brows furrowing.  Dana sees this and looks away ashamed.  I shake my head not wanting her to misunderstand my reaction. “Dana, you were reacting the way most survivors would react if the traumatic event occurred in a bathroom. I’m upset that all this happened to you.”

She looks up at me, her eyes bright from unshed tears. “Okay.”

“Do you still want to continue?”  She nods as she swallows hard.

“The sponge bathing continued for the next couple of days.  Mulder would call to check in on me, and I would tell him that I’m fine. He didn’t seem convinced though. He suggested that I stayed home and get some rest.  Rest from what? My mind? I listened to him though, I stayed home and kept myself busy catching up on errands and house chores.  I avoided my broom closet, my bath tub, and my shower stall.”

She takes in a breath before sighing exasperatedly.  “Mulder would usually leave me alone when I tell him I’m fine, so I don’t know what made him decide to barge into my home in the middle of the day last week!  He mentioned to me that A.D. Skinner was out of town so he was playing hooky.”

I bite my tongue from spilling the beans about running into her partner last week as I listen to her recount the story of how Agent Mulder caught her staring into her bathroom from her apartment hallway.  How he took in her appearance with her limp hair, and how he saw a makeshift wash basin on her kitchen table.  She doesn’t forget the details as she calmly tells me how he wordlessly walked into her bathroom to gather all the bath oils and salts she had beside her free-standing tub while leaving behind the essentials for her to bathe, and he unceremoniously dumped her bath collection into the kitchen trashcan.  He then walked up to her and gave her a tight hug.

“You’re not alone in this, Scully,” he’d murmured.  He held her hand tightly while she drew herself a bath.

“He blasted some Chopin on the living room stereo for me, and sat by the bathroom door telling me a story of his time in Oxford,” Dana said with a small smile, “He befriended a talented pianist who had him appreciate classical music.”

“Were you able to bathe in your bathroom successfully?”

“Yes.  I didn’t spend any more time than necessary.  All the while Mulder’s voice drawled on behind the closed bathroom door.  I’ll never tell him this, but his voice is soothing, almost hypnotic.  He repeated this ritual for the rest of the week until a couple of evenings ago when I told him over the phone that I drew myself a bath.” She looked down at her clasped hands on her lap.  “Mulder helped me through this even though I didn’t ask for his help.  He didn’t pass judgement nor rationalized my fear.   He was just...” she trails off trying to search for the word to best describe.  Her voice drops low, “He was my beacon, and I suppose he will remain that way as long as we’re partners.”


	10. Until Next Time

We smile at each other. Dana Scully is a survivor who was able to work through her inner demons once she allowed someone she trusted to help. My smile may have been a teeny bit smug, for having Agent Mulder take my advice and aide his partner through her traumatic experience.  Dana gets up from the seat and politely thanks me for our session.

“Thank _you_ for filling me in on the aftermath,” I say, “Oftentimes I get snapshots of someone’s life, and I’m left in a limbo state until the next time they schedule a session with me.  By then, that issue they had was old news.”

“I think vulnerability will be an ongoing issue for me.  I don’t think I’ll make a habit of letting my guard down emotionally.”

I nod in understanding. We’re one of the few women employed by the FBI.  While most of the female employees take on auxiliary roles, Dana Scully is a field agent.  She is in the front lines risking her life to protect others.  She can’t afford to be vulnerable.  I escort her to my office door.

“Until the next time when you need another session,” I tell her.

“Until next time,” she says smiling and exits.  I peer out of my doorway and watch her head down the hallway towards Agent Mulder who is standing several feet away from my office.  Is it his way of being discreet in a public setting? They’re close enough where I can catch most of their dialogue. 

“Hey!  How long were you out here?” she asks looking up at him. 

“Not long.  Skinner’s asking for us, so I figured we should enter his office as a united front.”

“Are you anticipating getting your ass chewed out that you want reinforcements?”

He shrugs.  “I wouldn’t put it pass Skinner.”

“Sounds serious, Mulder,” she teases, “You could use my help.”

“Always.” He moves closer to Agent Scully and reaches out his right hand towards her.  He gently squeezes the side of her left  arm.  She somehow moved incrementally closer to him.  Never breaking eye contact, there lies a hidden message that only the two of them share. She is the first to break away to look towards A.D. Skinner’s office.  That’s when I catch it: Agent Mulder’s unguarded gaze lingers on her profile. The expression in his eyes softens briefly as he trails his hand down her arm, his fingers skimming the fabric of her suit jacket before coming to rest by his side.  He senses me watching them as he looks over with a panicked look in his eyes.  I press my right index finger to my lips and slightly shake my head.  Agent Mulder’s secret is safe with me.  I slowly back into my office getting ready to shut my door.

“Come on.  Let’s get this meeting over with,”  Agent Scully says and starts walking with Agent Mulder following close behind her hovering his hand on her lower back.  I close my office door. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys enjoyed reading this story. It’s definitely been a while since I’ve felt inspired enough to finish a multi-chapter story quickly with no deadline looming over me. It might be awhile until the next Perspectives story is published as I plan to write one from Melissa Scully’s POV.


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